I am not disabled ~ I am just having an experience ~ Seth speaking on my visions of art ~ There is a place you go for inspiration and it is Monastic, it appeals to you in some of your lives you isolate yourself you dedicate yourself to study, prayer and meditation. That is all you do. You have no other alliances in these lives. Now by monastic, also understand that we are speaking of ancient tribal activities in which are engaged and I say engaged as this is a simultaneous times that exists which you can dip in and out of which you do. Some of these lifetimes are harsh in that you are into punishing yourself, to punish the body to drive out negativity, you might say. Some of these lives are what you would call a typical monastic existence you isolate your body, you take vows of celibacy, poverty and so on appeals to you ~ without the accessories of existence, relationships, money, sexuality and so on, you are allowed to achieve great heights of spiritual practice. Currently, you are receiving benefits of that through bleed through by which you make contact with ex-terrestrial, including the beings such as master Jesus and others. So in this current existence of yours is an amalgam, so you take bits and pieces of these other lives and you mix and match them to create your current existence.